I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
