We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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