did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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