A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My dick has a subreddit
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
