I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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