He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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