Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
