At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
