It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
