Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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