you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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