i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You can't motorboat a personality
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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