I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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