i need an iv and a liver transplant
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
