I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
