i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
