we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
