i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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