I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
pray to the hookup gods
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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