The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
