I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
