I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
