You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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