You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
