i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
