drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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