Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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