I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
