ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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