Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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