States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
