oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
