we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
