umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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