I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
