god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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