We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
