He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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