The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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