his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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