how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
