I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
