a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
