he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
