hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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