Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
