this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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