Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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