i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
His nipple licking is glorious
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