my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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