I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
