i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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