On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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