I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
