i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
