I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
