My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
