No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
