you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
