okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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