i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize