she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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