you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
