We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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