I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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