"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
