dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize
