Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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