he thought i was a dude.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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