She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
