I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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