Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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