my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
