i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
