At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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