i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
