Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
