So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
