Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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